Issei's Greatest Fear
by Yuudai1224
Summary: Issei learns his greatest fear, and finds that he cannot avoid it. Slight OOC characters. Non-perverted Issei.
1. Chapter 1

It was a normal day for the DXD gang. While they were at Issei's house in the living room, Rias was sitting on her couch reading with her glasses on, thinking. Koneko was eating her favorite youkan, and Asia was watching Issei and Kiba play against each other in chess. Akeno was nowhere to be seen.

Speaking of the devil, Akeno suddenly slammed Issei's house open with a wide grin on her face. She appeared to be holding two DVDs. The Devils looked up in surprise, with Rias being the first to react with a wide smile as well.

"Akeno, did you get it?" The crimson-haired Devil asked.

The Ultimate Sadist's smile widened with glee.

"Yes I did, Rias!"

At that moment all of the girls (Yes, even Koneko) in the living room screamed with glee, as they each huddled around the DVDs Akeno was holding.

Issei who had moved his piece, indicating it was Kiba's turn, rose an eyebrow in confusion. He turned to look at Kiba with a curious look.

"What's with them?"

His eyes widened when he saw the horrified expression on Kiba's face. Kiba looked like he had seen a ghost. Issei gave him a worried look.

"You all right, man?"

All of a sudden, Kiba grabbed Issei by the collar of his blazer and started to shake him in hysteria.

"RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY NOW!"

He would have continued further, had not both Koneko and Asia grab him by the shoulder, dragging him upstairs to Issei's room. The girls giggled at Kiba's attempts to pry them off of him.

Issei looked up in shock. "Kiba?!"

The blonde haired swordsman flailed his arms and legs frantically.

"SAVE YOURSELF ISSEI! SAVE YOURSELF...!"

The door to Issei's room closed, leaving Issei with unimaginable horror at what Koneko and Asia were putting Kiba through.

Issei rose an eyebrow in great bewilderment.

"What the hell is going on?"

His question was answered when he felt two pairs of arms around his shoulders. Issei looked up to see the two grinning faces of Rias and Akeno. Rias gave Issei a coy look.

"Ise-kun. Would you like to watch a movie with Akeno and I?"

Issei rose an eyebrow.

'A movie? Kiba was freaking out over a movie? Come on, no movie is that bad.'

_Oh, Irony hates this guy..._

"U-um, I guess. What's the movie called?"

Both Rias and Akeno grinned wider, and they started to giggle evilly. Issei rose an eyebrow, unaware of the horrors he would be experiencing shortly.

**30 MINUTES LATER**

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Issei screamed at the top of his lungs as he tried to leap off of his couch. Both Rias and Akeno each held a tight grip on his legs, trying to prevent him from escaping. Rias glared at Issei in annoyance.

"Come on Issei! It's not that bad!"

Issei gave her a incredulous look.

"NOT THAT BAD?! THE HELL IT ISN'T! VAMPIRES DON'T SPARKLE!"

Akeno narrowed her eyes, which sent a foreboding chill in Issei's spine. She then gave her usual perpetual smile.

"_Ise-kun_. If you watch the movie with us, we'll give you a special _reward_."

She and Rias gave Issei a seductive smirk, confident that it would sway the young man.

Issei stopped in his attempt to escape, and then his face slowly contorted into a horrified look of disgust.

"You are sick! The both of you! What kind of guy do you take me for?! What is wrong with you?! I'm no pervert!"

_Once again, Irony really hates this guy._

But Rias wouldn't have it, and with a snap of her fingers, Issei suddenly felt stiff as his body became paralyzed.

"NO! LEAVE ME BE!"

With a gleeful smile on her face, Rias turned to the equally happy Akeno.

"Akeno! Just wait, until the other series comes out! Then we can watch it with Issei!"

Issei's horror only increased, and he let out a earth shattering scream.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Issei woke up with a start, catching his breath. He looked around to find out he was in bed. Sighing in relief, he turned to look at his beeping alarm clock, and with another sigh he turned to shut it off.

"Ah. Thank god it was just a dream."

"Oh, Issei..."

His eyes widening in terror, Issei slowly looked up to see a half-naked Rias and Akeno each holding the DVD covers of his greatest fear.

_**TWILIGHT**_

Issei held a blank expression, and then he took a deep breath.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

_**THE END**_

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**First time writing a Humor fanfic, and I think I did okay. Enjoy the rest of your night, readers :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**AT THE OCCULT RESEARCH CLUB**

Gasper Vladi shook in uncertainty at his two new roommates. The new roommates gave each other a harsh glare.

"Kiba, this is the dumbest idea you've ever had. And trust me, I've heard dumber ideas. But yours just takes the cake. What makes you think Buchou and Akeno-senpai won't look in here?"

Yuuto Kiba gave Issei Hyoudou a uncharacteristic scoff.

"Shut up, Issei. I didn't see you coming up with anything better."

Indeed, the two Devils found a way to unseal Gasper, and were now hiding in the box with the vampire. (Don't ask me how they found out to unseal him, it's still a mystery to me.)

Gasper twiddled his fingers and he looked up at the two Devils.

"What are you guys doing in here?"

Issei, apparently the only saner male in the group, turned to position himself in the box more comfortably to look at Gasper.

"Buchou and Akeno-senpai have been trying to force Kiba and I into watching more of that accursed series that should have never been created in the first place."

The cross-dressing vampire rose an eyebrow in confusion. "What series?"

Kiba only shook his head. "You don't want to know."

"_Oh Ise-kun! Kiba-kun_!"

Both Issei and Kiba stiffened, and they tried to suppress their demonic energies, hoping that the voices wouldn't find them. Gasper just looked on in great confusion, and tilted his head. Issei turned to Kiba and glared at him with fury.

"See! I told you this was a stupid idea! Even worse than the time you tried to steal that Klondike Bar from Koneko!"

**FLASHBACK**

Koneko sat on the couch peacefully as she unwrapped her ice cream bar. A rare smile adorned her delicate face as she waited to savor the taste. It was quiet in the Occult Research Club, meaning that no one could disturb her.

Out of nowhere, Kiba walked in through the club door, and his eyes widened when he saw the treat in Koneko's small hands. His mouth dribbled with hunger, as he looked at his very weakness.

'_Klondike Bars_.'

You see, Kiba had a very unhealthy obsession with Klondike Bars, and whenever he saw them he would go into a sugar rush. Seeing Koneko about to eat his favorite innocent treat, caused Kiba to feel absolute rage, and jealousy. Koneko hadn't even seen or heard Kiba yet, so his plan might work.

His sanity now replaced with desperation, Kiba leaped up into the air and positioned himself into a kicking stance. With a karate yell, he tried to reach for the Klondike Bar.

"AYAYAYAYAYAYAYYYYAYAAYAYAHHHHHHH!"

Koneko, still unaware of the incoming attack, looked down on the floor to see a penny. Her smile widening, she bent down to retrieve it.

Now Kiba, not predicting that Koneko would actually bend down, screamed in horror as he collapsed face down onto the ground.

With the penny in her pocket, Koneko happily walked away, ready to eat her Klondike Bar. Unaffected by the temporary failure, Kiba miraculously got up again, and he performed another karate kick.

"AYAAYAYAYAYAAYAYAYAAHHHAHHH!"

Koneko held up a fist, and Kiba realized too late. As soon as he got near the Neko, Koneko swung her fist. Hard.

"AYAYAAHAAAUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

**END FLASHBACK**

Issei shook his head at the glowering look Kiba was giving him. After that incident Kiba couldn't sit down for at least two weeks without whimpering in indignant pain.

"Honestly, I would have expected you to stop after getting punched in the nuts. Twice."

"SHUT UP ISSEI!"

Realizing his foolish mistake, Kiba quickly covered his mouth, and he looked on in horror as the box suddenly opened. He quickly developed an ability (out of nowhere) to turn himself and Issei invisible.

Rias smiled warmly at Gasper who shook frantically in his spot. The vampire was familiar with that particular smile, and he didn't like it one bit. Rias's smile widened.

"Gasper-kun. Do you know where Ise-kun, and Kiba-kun are?"

Gasper shook harder, but he didn't dare betray his friends. Especially not Issei. Issei was actually more of a brother to Gasper more than Kiba anyway. And besides, Kiba had neglected to turn Gasper invisible as well, leaving him as bait. And Issei, the kind young man he was, hastily pointed this out to the swordsman.

"Kiba, what the hell?!" He whispered. "You're going to make Gasper suffer?!"

He didn't want Gasper to experience the horrors of what he and Kiba had unfortunately faced. Kiba just shot him a glare.

"He's a vampire. I'm sure he can handle it."

Issei so wanted to point out to Kiba that the words the swordsman had just spouted out made no sense at all. Willing to risk himself in order to save Gasper from the horrors of that cursed movie, Issei tried to reach for the cross-dressing vampire.

But it was too late, as Rias pulled Gasper out of the box. Issei looked on in terror, and he tried to reach for Gasper once more, before Kiba pulled him down.

"Kiba what the hell!"

Kiba covered Issei's mouth with his hand, and he shook his head frantically.

"We must all make sacrifices."

**OUTSIDE OF GASPER'S BOX**

Gasper was normally timid, so the fact that he was pulled out of his box only made him feel uneasy. While he sat upon the couch in the Occult Research Club, he watched both Rias and Akeno (who had appeared shortly after Rias) rummaging through a set of DVDs. Rias turned to Akeno with a curious look.

"Which series should we watch first? The first one, or New Moon?"

Akeno adopted a thoughtful look, and then she looked back at the terrified vampire. Speaking of Gasper, the vampire didn't know what the hell the girls were talking about. Issei and Kiba (no wait only Issei), had not mentioned what the movie they were talking about. They both spoke of the movie as though it was something that never should have been created. With that in his mindset, Gasper's eyes widened with fear as he saw Akeno smile at him.

"We can watch the first one, since Gasper-kun is new to the series."

Rias smiled and she nodded. "Sure, that sounds great."

Gasper only raised a eyebrow in confusion, but he didn't dare speak. Remembering what Issei told him, that he should never be afraid, Gasper shut away his fear (temporarily), waiting to endure the horrors he would go through shortly.

_Oh, that poor vampire..._

**10 MINUTES LATER**

Gasper let out a blood curdling scream as he kicked his feet around, while sitting on Akeno's lap, trying frantically to get out. He was placed on Akeno's lap so he couldn't get out easily, but that wasn't stopping him. His pink-violet eyes were wide with terror, and he flailed around frantically. Rias and Akeno only giggled, still engrossed into the movie, ignoring the wailing cries of Gasper.

All of a sudden, Gasper's Sacred Gear; Forbidden Balor View, activated and the presence around him froze in time. Gasper stopped in his flailing, and he moved to get out of Akeno's grip. But he couldn't; he was trapped within the place most men would have dreamed to be in. With another agonizing scream, Gasper started to produce tears in his eyes, as time resumed once again.

**IN GASPER'S BOX**

"_AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH_!"

Issei narrowed his eyes as he tried to restrain himself from leaping out from the box. Gasper was being tortured, forced to watch that horrifying series.

"TWILIGHT."

While Issei tightened his fists in pity for his young vampire friend, Kiba only sighed in relief, happy that he wasn't suffering as much as Gasper was. Issei turned to stare at the swordsman in shock.

"How can you just sit there casually and let Gasper be tortured out there?!"

"Easy. Like this."

And Kiba did just that. Issei glared in disgust.

"I can't believe you, man."

The saner man shook his head, and then his eyes widened as he thought of an idea. He turned to look at Kiba with an unreadable look on his face. Kiba blinked in confusion.

"...What?"

Issei grinned. "I have an idea."

He told it to Kiba, the swordsman's face growing horrified by the second. He backed away from Issei, moving the box slightly.

"No way in Hell, Issei!" He said ironically.

Issei only narrowed his eyes.

"Don't you want to save Gasper?!"

"Hell no!"

Issei looked about ready to strangle his 'friend', but then he got another idea. This time he knew Kiba would agree to it.

"Kiba. Would you do it for a Klondike Bar?"

Kiba's eyes widened.

"What did you just say...?"

Issei grinned, knowing this would bait the swordsman.

"Would. You do it for a Klondike Bar?"

Kiba only narrowed his eyes, backing away once more.

"Don't do this to me, man! Don't do it!"

But Issei's grin widened.

"Kiba. Would. You. Do it. For. A. Klondike Bar?"

His mouth watering at the thought of savoring the taste of his favorite treat, Kiba grudgingly agreed.

Issei nodded with a smile on his face.

"All right, here's the plan."

**OUTSIDE GASPER'S BOX**

Gasper had run out of tears, as he had given up resisting and trying to escape. His eyes were hollow, as he tried to ignore the trashy scenes of romance within Twilight. Rias and Akeno, on the other hand, watched the movie with gusto.

All of a sudden, a new figure appeared out of Gasper's box. He had bronze hair, liquid gold eyes, and a extremely beautiful face. Noticing the new presence in the room, Rias and Akeno widened their eyes in shock.

Screaming with glee, the two Devils rushed over to 'Edward Cullen'. Bombarding the 'vampire' (HA!) with tones of affection and questions about his next movie (again, HA!), Issei cleverly made his escape, immediately grabbing the now awakened Gasper. Not taking any chances, Issei, holding Gasper's hand, dragged him out of the club door, successfully making their escape.

'Edward Cullen' glared darkly, before returning to his usual expression of pompous and arrogance.

'Issei better not have been lying about that Klondike Bar.'

**AT ISSEI'S HOUSE**

Issei and Gasper collapsed onto the former's couch as they tried to catch their breath. Gasper turned to Issei with a horrified look.

"They tortured me, Issei! The vampires. T-they, t-hey SPARKLED!"

The young vampire wept, as he covered Issei's couch pillows with his tears. Issei just sighed, as he rubbed his face.

"Well at least my plan worked."

As soon as he said that, Issei's house door slammed wide open, revealing a torn shirtless Kiba with a furious glare on his normally cheerful face. Issei gave him a surprised look.

"You escaped?!"

Kiba wiped the numerous red lipstick kisses off of his face, and he glared at both Issei and Gasper. He said only one thing.

"Give me my damn Klondike Bar."


End file.
